Teatarishidai no Miko
by Canta Per Me
Summary: [Parodyfic.] The events of Kannazuki no Miko retold in a cracked out and slightly perverted way. ChikanexHimekoness later on, of course.
1. Perversion in this World pt 1

It looks as if I can't take anything seriously. Hmm. By the way, I wrote the events from memory…it's been ages since I last watched Kannazuki, Veoh is the slowest thing ever for me, and my DVD's are buried in a box somewhere, so…the order of events may be inaccurate, and some things may have been skipped/left out. Sorry. One last thing! the word "teatarishidai" is Japanese for "Random" according to this crappy English-Japanese dictionary. In case you were wonderin'. Anyways enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned Kannazuki no Miko. I truly do. Unfortunately, I don't.

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"Himeko…Himeko! Wake up Himeko!" Matoko shook her friends sleeping form in a futile attempt to wake her up. Himeko snored loudly in response, as expected. Mako merely shrugged her shoulders. "Guess I'll have to use my awesome Japanese schoolgirl powers to wake her up." She stepped backward, rotated the joystick in a half circle sort of thing, and then hit P. "HADOKEN!"

Blasts of energy crashed into Himeko's bed. She went flying off of it with a scream, and landed face first onto the ground below, with her butt towards the camera. This is how this series got its first and last panty shot. She picked herself up off of the floor with a groan. "Godammit Mako-chan, I told you to stop Street Fighter-ing my bed every morning!" The future solar miko folded her arms across her chest and glared daggers at her room mate. "Chikane-chan won't spring for _another_ new one, no matter how much wonderful oral I give her!"

"Start waking up when I tell you to then!" the short haired girl retorted in a chided tone. "Now, start undressing so I can take the pictures!"

"Pictures?"

"You know, the pictures of you that I sell to Chikane! Don't tell me you thought I got my money from doing honest work… you silly girl! Now hurry it up, we're already two minutes behind!" Himeko had no time to question her friend's strange motives, for Makoto had pushed Himeko's school uniform into her arms, urging her to get changed. The blonde girl reluctantly proceeded to get dressed, Makoto snapping suggestive pictures of her timid friend all the while. Himeko slipped her shoes on and ran out the door before Mako could catch yet another panty shot on film.

The two girls finally arrived at Ototachibana Academy, trying to push through the groups of people that usually crowd the front steps. Makoto dashed ahead of Himeko, eager to get to her classes. Himeko tried to catch up, but was cut off by a group of Chikane fangirls, who had yet to realize the object of their future hatred was right behind them.

"U-Um, exuse me!" Himeko piped up. "I'd like to get through please!" The fangirls payed no attention to the timid girl. One fangirl bumped into Himeko while walking past her, which sent Himeko falling backward in slow motion. Just before the girl hit the cement below, a hand reached out from the upper bit of the screen and caught her, pulling her back up and into an embrace. Himeko glanced up at her savior, who turned out to be none other then Himemiya Chikane.

Chikane stroked Himeko's hair while staring at her with an "I want you in my room" sort of expression all over her face. "Are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself, did you? Need anything kissed better? Want me to check for scrapes? Perform CPR? Breast inspeciton?"

"N-no, I'm fine. Thank you." The timid girl felt a hand grabbing at her butt, obviously Chikane's, and a blush creeped across her cheeks. "Nice ass." Himeko gave a startled squeal and jumped out of the taller girl's arms, then picked Chikane's bag off of the ground and held it out to her. "Th-thank you very much for saving me…" The blue haired woman, looking a tad dissapointed, took the bag from Himeko and walked past her and whispered something nearly inaudible. Himeko wasn't even sure it had really been said. She gave a nod to show she heard what had been said, and ran up the stairs of the academy once again.

The fangirls who witnessed this all take place were shocked, appaled, and jealous as hell. A random nameless fangirl leaned over to another fangirl who was standing next to her. "Who was that with Miya-sama? Some background character?" The other fangirl, who turned out to be Chikane's number one stalker, Izumi, shook her head. "That's Himeko. She's a main character." The faceless fangirl let out a surprised gasp. "That's bad news then, isn't it Izumi-san?" Izumi did not reply, she merely stared at Himeko with a grave expression on her face. "We're going to have to stock up on pepper spray and explosives for this one…"

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"Himeko, you're so LUCKY!! Miya-sama hugged you in public!!" Makoto threw her arms around her friend, laughing a merry laugh while doing so. "So, how did she hug you? Like this? Or this?! Or this!!" Himeko yelped and tried to wriggle out of her friends hug. "W-Watch where you _hug_, Mako-chan!! Anyways, it wasn't that big of a deal…"

Makoto let go of Himeko and smacked her timid friend over the head with a paper fan that came out of nowhere. "Are you stupid or something?! Of COURSE it was a big deal!! Miya-sama hugged you in public! MIYA-SAMA!! She's tops in acedemics, sports, music, EVERYTHING!!" Makoto took a deep breath and began to explain the awesomeness of Ototachibana's princess, Himemiya Chikane.

"She's the greatest thing to ever happen to the Yuri genre! She recieves countless love letters from both genders and uses them to fuel her fireplace! She burns heartfelt notes of affection, Himeko! Isn't that just badass?!"

"That sounds a little mean to me…"

Makoto smacked Himeko with the paper fan again, and continued. "She's baisically the perfect woman! She has the intensity of summer, the elegence of autumn, the nobility of winter, and the kindness of spring!! Why if—"

"Mako-chan," Himeko inturrupted, "Are you her fangirl as well? You seem to know a lot about her, and now that I think of it, she's all you've been talking about since this morning!"

Himeko should have known better then to inturrupt a fangirl's rant. Makoto hoisted her petite friend over her left shoulder, walked over the the classroom's picture windows, and tossed Himeko out of one.

A minute or two later, Himeko walked back into the classroom, completley unharmed. "It's a good thing I have Japanese schoolgirl invincibility. So, what were you saying about Chikane-chan?"

Makoto ranted on about Chikane's awesomeness until the lunch break, without stopping once.

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After what felt like an eternity, the bell dismissing students for lunch break finally rang. Himeko practically jumped out of her seat and ran out of the room, leaving Makoto to rant to herself. Which she did. The blonde girl dashed past many fangirls who were wandering around the hallways looking for Chikane, but to no avail.

Himeko arrived at her destination: outside the rose garden. She scanned the area a few times to make sure nobody was watching her. After she felt the coast was clear, she jumped into one of the rose bushes, and jumped right back out with a yelp. "Note to self: Japanese schoolgirls are not immune to thorns." She then decided to crawl _through_ the bush this time, getting through completley unharmed. Chikane was waiting for her on the other side of the bush, sipping at a cup of tea and flipping through this month's issue of Yuri Hime. "Hello Himeko."

"Yay, you brought food! Err, I mean, hi Chikane-chan!" Himeko plopped down next to the blue haired beauty and began to scoff down everything Chikane had packed, as per usual. Chikane merely sipped at her tea, waiting for Himeko to finish.

Himeko stopped stuffing her face for a moment and turned to Chikane. "Hey Chikane-chan…why do you—"

Chikane raised her hand to silence the gluttonous object of her affections. "Don't speak with your mouth full, Himeko. It is not pleasant to look at, and the uke must always be pleasant to look at while she is with her seme. Unwritten rule of yuridom." The blonde girl clapped a hand over her mouth and gulped the food down while giving Chikane an apologetic look.

"That's a good girl. Now, what were you saying?"

"Well Chikane-chan, I was just wondering…why is it that you meet with me like this all of the time? I mean, with all the extra curricular activities, dealing with fans, looking pretty, and doing whatever else you do, you must be so busy!"

"We can stop meeting like this if that's what you're getting at."

"No! No! That's not what I meant at all!" Himeko hastily replied, arms flailing around wildly. "I…I like meeting with you like this, Chikane-chan."

"I'm glad to hear that. I like meeting with you too." Chikane took a bite from her lunch before continuing. "I'd like meeting with you even more if we met in…say, my bedroom?"

"I don't understand what you mean, Chikane-chan."

The lunar miko placed a hand over her eyes. "Why did I have to fall for an idiot? Well, anyways…here Himeko." Chikane set her lunch down and pulled an envelope out of her pants. "This is an invitation to my upcoming birthday party." Himeko looked at the slip of paper, confused. "I already got an invitation though."

Chikane leaned close to Himeko and whispered, "That party is put on by the Himemiya family. This a party _just for the two of us_, if you know what I'm getting at."

"Oh! You mean, we'll have a special cake made especially for the two of us, and we'll play games, and things like that?!" Chikane leaned back and gave Himeko a surprised look. "Cake? I'm more of a whipped cream person, but…okay, whatever floats your boat. You'll come though, right?"

"Of course I will!" The blonde girl took the envelope from Chikane. "I wouldn't miss it for the world, in fact! And-- …Chikane-chan, why does this envelope smell funny?"

"It does? Well, that's probably because it was in my—wait, why are you sniffing an envelope?"

"I always sniff an envelope before I open it. Is that strange?"

"Oh no, not at all."

**To Be Continued! **

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Yeah…I haven't even covered all of the first episode yet. But I can't remember what happens after the garden scene for the life of me. -.- Something about the Orochi? Blah. So until I find my DVD's I'll just leave it at this point.


	2. Perversion in this World pt 2

I feel as though I updated this too quickly. Nyeh, I still can't find my DVD's –cries- so I asked a friend to explain what happened to me in the first episode. She was going by memory as well, so some things may have been skipped or left out. Ah well, thanks for the help anyways Nanto. :D Anyhow, this chapter has your general randomness, innuendo, and mikosex. Haha… no there's not really any mikosex in this chapter, sorry. But there may be. Later on. Or never. Who knows? And thank you to everyone who left a review! –Hands out crackers- :D You all pwn. Well anyways, hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: If I owned Kannazuki no Miko…I probably would have made Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora Kaon and Himiko centric. Unfortunately, I don't own Kannazuki no Miko. –Tear-

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"Ohh, I'm going to miss it!!" Himeko sprinted down the academy's steps, panting heavily all the while. She ran out of the school's front gates and saw the bus she was running for parked about half a block away. "W-Wait for me bus!!"

The bus paid no attention to the girls pleading cries and drove off, because busses are very rude vehicles. Himeko skidded to a stop and tried to catch her breath. "I-I guess I should have listen to Grandpa Squarepants when he told me to never run for a bus…but Chikane-chan's birthday is tomorrow, and if I don't get to the mall in the next twenty minutes it'll close and then I won't be able to buy her anything, and if I don't buy her anything she won't be my friend anymore, and if we're not friends anymore I'll be stuck with…_Mako-chan!_ Oh the humanity! Why am I talking to myself?!" Himeko let out a frustrated groan and sat on the sidewalk, pouting.

Souma, who had just _happened_ to be passing by on his motorcycle, spotted Himeko on the street corner and parked in front of her. "Hey Himeko," He pulled his helmet off and gave Himeko a dazzling bishie smile. "What're you doing on a street corner?"

Himeko didn't catch the dazzling bishie smile, for she was too busy pouting. "I'm pouting because I missed the bus, and now I can't get to the mall to buy a birthday present for Chikane-chan!"

"That's unfortunate." Souma ran a hand through his chestnut locks, and bishie sparkles flew everywhere. "I can give you a lift." The blonde girl's face lit right up. "Really Oogami-kun?! Thank you so much!" Himeko climbed on the back of the bike, and off they went.

Neither of them had said a single word since they left the bus stop. Souma eventually grew tired of the awkward silence and decided to strike up a conversation. "Hey Himeko…remember that time we were biking around the sea when we were little kids?"

"Yeah... you were paying so much attention to the sea that you crashed into a tree. Four times. After the fourth tree, you got pulled over by a policeman and got 2 months for DUI, right?" Souma glanced back at her with a completely baffled expression plastered on his face. "What?! Me, Oogami Souma, the most perfect guy _ever,_ in jail? Good lord Himeko, I know you're not the brightest crayon in the box but that's just preposterous."

The future solar miko shook her head vigorously in protest. "I was there Oogami-kun and I saw everything! I even have copies of your mug shots in my photo album!"

"I was five years old at the time!! Five year old children do _not_ have access to alcohol!"

At this point the awkward silence had found its way back, and it stayed until the pair finally reached the mall. Himeko entered the crowded building and made her way to the bookstore to pick up the copy of "How To Become An Evilyuri Rapist In Three Easy Steps" she had ordered for Chikane's birthday. Once that was taken care of, she made her way back to Souma's bike.

"I'm finished!" She announced happily. "Thank you for waiting Oogami-kun! Now then, shall we go?" Souma nodded his head absentmindedly; he was too busy playing cell phone Tetris to pay attention to the object of his affections. Himeko climbed on the back of the bike and waited for her bishie friend to finish up his game. Once Souma lost at level eight, he started the motorcycle and drove off, humming the Tetris theme all the way home.

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"Like ohmigod!" Chikane's maid, Otoha, let out an excited squeal and held a dress up against her mistress. "I can't believe you're letting me pick outfits out for you and stuff! It's, like, _soooo_ unlike you! Well anyways are you, like, looking forward to tomorrow's party Ojou-sama?" Chikane let out a quaking breath and bit her bottom lip slightly. "I am both looking forward to it and dreading it. This will be no ordinary party Otoha... just thinking about it makes my heart feel as though it will burst right through my chest."

"Um, like, why? It shouldn't be different then any other party the Himemiya family has put on, right?" The maid walked over to her mistresses' closet and examined the suits within it.

Chikane stood in front of the huge picture window in her room while wearing nothing but her undergarments and a pair of thighighs, which made dozens of Chikane stalkers die from blood loss. "Not that party silly. The party Himeko and I will have once all the guests have left." The blue haired beauty let out a dreamy sigh. "It will be a night to remember, for sure…the moon and the sun shall become one, it will be an elegant unison of two bodies, and… aww hell, who am I kidding with all this poetic crap? We're going to have insanely kinky girl on girl mikosex, that's all there is to it."

"Sounds hot. But, like, what makes you think you can get her into your bed so easily?"

"Easy. I'm Himemiya Chikane, and nobody ever says no to Himemiya Chikane. Unwritten rule of yuridom. Besides," Chikane cocked her head to the side, giving Otoha a crooked smile. "Who said anything about getting her into a _bed_?"

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The day of Chikane and Himeko's birthday finally arrived. However, it was not what it was expected to be. Instead of a day of celebration and mikosex, it was a day filled with panic and uncertainty, for the sky had been dyed a dark shade of purple, and in place of the sun there was a large black hole.

Makoto then rose from her bed, her sleepy gaze rested on the room's only window. "Wha…what the crap?" The short haired girl tried to rub the drowsiness from her eyes and her lips formed into a pout. "Damn weathermen, they're never right! Why do I even bother watching the daily forecasts anyway?!" Himeko let out a very unfeminine grunt and threw a blanket over her head. "Mako-chan, stop talking so loud this early in the morning…"

"But Himeko!" Mako threw her arms up in the air. "It's purple outside! **PURPLE**!!" One violet eye slid open and peeked out from under the covers. "What are you on about? There's no way the sky can be--" Himeko bolted upright and stared at the plum coloured sky, mouth agape. "Purple?! Is this a solar eclipse or something Mako-chan?!"

"Dunno…sure looks like one. Well, whatever! Scary black hole in the sky or no scary black hole in the sky, we need to get ready for school!" Mako pulled her trusty camera out from underneath her bed and threw Himeko her school uniform. "Hurry, hurry! We need money so we can buy more goldfish crackers and wagon wheels!" Himeko opened her mouth to protest, but she was interrupted by a booming voice that was coming from outside. It seemed as though the black hole was talking.

"THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME…FOR THE OROCHI…TO RULE THIS WORLD!!!"

Someone threw a shoe at the black hole. "Hey, really loud god-like voice! Shut the hell up, some of us are still trying to sleep!!"

"OH, MY BAD." The black hole cleared its nonexistent throat and continued its speech in a quieter tone. "Necks of the Orochi, gather and kill the solar priestess and the lunar priestess!!"

Elsewhere, a cat girl carrying a huge syringe was staring up at the swirling hole in the sky with confusion. "Why do we have to kill them mister scary voice? What did they ever do to us?"

The black hole went quiet.

After a moment of silence, it finally replied with, "Um...they stole our juice boxes and slept with our mothers, that's what they did!"

The cat girl let out a horrified gasp. "Nobody sleeps with mummy but ME!! Don't worry mister scary voice, Nekoko will take care of the sluts for you! Nya!" The cat girl, Nekoko, saluted the black hole and ran off in a random direction. "Quickly, to the syringemobile!!"

**To be continued…AGAIN.**

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I will finish the first episode eventually! DX All that's left is the part where Souma goes apeshit with his mech I think …Buu. I have other plans for that scene though. Tee-hee. :3 I seriously need to find my DVD's. This would go so much faster if I did.

Review and I'll love you forever. :D


	3. Perversion in this World pt 3

Once again, going by a friend's memory. Goodie. So here it is, the finale to episode one:O About damn time right?! XD I apologize for the wait; junk's been hectic around here lately. Ah well. Enjoy or I'll send Mako-chan after you so she can rant about Chikane's awesomeness for hours on end. As awesome as Chikane is, listening to fangirls rant on about her is not fun. Trust me. It's not.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kannazuki no Miko…but I do own a Kaon plush!

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Aside from the booming voice that filled the air, all was relatively calm at the Temple of the Lunar and Solar miko's. That is, until Souma's Orochi instincts decided to kick in.

Souma suddenly let out an agonized scream and fell to his knees.Yukihito, who was believed to be Souma's yaoi buddy, rushed over to Souma's side, looking very concerned. "Souma-san," He shook Souma's shoulders gently. "Are you okay?!"

"Godammit Oogami," the black hole boomed, "How many times must I repeat myself?! KILL THE PRIESTESSES!! They stole your juicebox and slept with your mother after all!!"

"I don't believe it!" Souma lifted himself off of the ground. "I WON'T believe it!! Himeko would never sleep with my mother! She's totally straight!" With that, he fingered the black hole and disappeared in a flash of purple light.

Kazuki Oogami, Souma's adoptive elder brother who was watching the whole scene from the sidelines, placed his hand over his eyes and shook his head. "Good lord," he said with a sigh, "People disappearing in purple flashes of light? What's next, giant robots wearing cloaks?"

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It turns out that Souma had teleported himself onto the top of a gigantic floating rock in the sky. A quick glance around the oversized pebble revealed that there was a sword poking out from the surface of the rock. The bishie boy approached the sword cautiously, right hand outstretched.

"I know Kazuki told me to never pull swords out of rocks," he said to himself as he placed his hand on the hilt. "But if Link can do it, so can I!!" With that, Souma pulled the sword out from the top of the rock thing, and a blinding light blinded everyone within a fifty mile radius. Once the light faded, Souma saw that he somehow managed to get inside the cockpit of a giant robot that just happened to be wearing a cloak.

"Omigawd!" Souma giggled like a schoolgirl and hopped up and down inside the mech. "Robot dude! You can help me save Himeko, right?!" The bot nodded its head and struck a Power Ranger pose. Souma was dumbfounded by the awesomeness overload of a robot doing such an awe inspiring pose, and was unable to tear his gaze away from the mech for the next fifteen minutes or so, rendering himself completely useless. More so than usual anyways.

Meanwhile, Makoto was attempting to make herself useful by helping Himeko get through the crowds of panicking citizens. She held onto her friend's arm tightly while she pushed her way through the cluster of people. "We're almost there," Mako muttered, "see Himeko? We're almost at the town g--" Makoto, who had noticed her friend was being unusually quiet, glanced over her shoulder and saw that she was not holding onto Himeko's arm any more, but Izumi's left leg. Izumi was being dragged along the ground, being trampled on by various people all the while.

Makoto released the Chikane fangirl's leg and looked around, puzzled. She scanned the seemingly never ending sea of people, looking for the familiar face of her friend, but to no avail. In such a large crowd, everyone looked alike. Either that or the animators of Kannazuki no Miko were being lazy with this scene and gave all the people in the crowd similar hairstyles.

"I wonder where Himeko got to…"

At that moment, Himeko was dashing through the sea of people so she could back to her dorm, for she had forgotten Chikane's birthday present there. Apparently, the thought of simply buying a new copy of the book and staying safe with Makoto had not crossed her mind. Once she reached the dorm building, she dashed in and grabbed the book. Since she did not want to face those awful crowds again, she had decided to avoid the crowds altogether by staying in.

Elsewhere, everyone's favourite Himemiya was watching the pandemonium from the comfort of her balcony. Chikane looked over at Otoha.

"Otoha, my spidey senses are tingling. It seems as though Himeko is in grave danger."

"Well like, of course she is. She's just the type that goes around getting herself into awful situations all the time, _begging_ to be saved or helped by another main character." The maid replied, a hint of jealousy in her tone.

Chikane let out a quiet sigh. "Of course, you are right. I suppose it is up to me to save her, since I am one of her love interests…" A smile spread across the young woman's face. "Hey Otoha, do you think Himeko likes the heroic types?"

"Um, like, I don't know," the maid replied with a shrug, "But if it's any consolation, I dig the heroic princess-ish chicks." Otoha finished with a wink. Chikane felt her left eye twitch.

"Y-Yes…well um, Otoha, please get my horse to the front of the house." Chikane turned on her heel and walked out of her room and into the long hallway of the upper floor of the Himemiya estate. "If the uke is in danger, the seme must gallop to her rescue atop a noble steed. Unwritten rule of yuridom."

Otoha then popped out of NOWHERE and looked at her mistress slightly confused. "I've never heard that rule of yuridom before. Is it new?"

Chikane, who was totally unfazed by her maid's sudden appearance, thought the answer over before replying. "It's always been around, but never really used. Recently though, it's being used a lot more…no thanks to that horse woman from that one anime."

At that moment, somewhere else in Japan, Ootori Amane sneezed.

"Anyways, I suppose I have wasted enough time chatting. Time to save my uke."

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Himeko was still in her dorm room, sitting on her bed, with a book opened up on her lap. "If the uke resists and tells you she doesn't want it," she read aloud, doing her best to sound out the hard words, "bitch slap her and get the flute." Himeko looked up from the book with a slightly confused look on her face. "What's the flute for?" The blonde girl let out a sigh and snapped the book shut. "This book has too many confusing things in it. I'll just stick to reading Harry Potter I guess."

(Un)fortunately, Souma and his gigantic robot had made their way to Himeko's dorm, with Chikane not far behind.

"Himeko!!" Chikane cried, "Run! Run Himeko, run!!"

Himeko leapt off of the bed when she heard that very familiar voice screaming her name from outside. "I'd recognize that desperate cry anywhere…Chikane-chan? Why does she want me to--?"

Unfortunately, Chikane's warning was too late. The giant mech Souma was piloting punched one of Himeko's dorm walls in, and reached inside. It grabbed the girl, who fainted on contact.

Chikane glared at the robot. "How dare you…you...evil robot… guy!" The blue haired woman winced at her own comment. "Oh god, that was awful. Good thing no one was around to hear it." She quickly pulled her archery set out of her pants. "Put her down, tinman!!" Chikane winced again. "Well, that was better then the last one, but still…oh, right, saving Himeko now."

Chikane launched an arrow at the mech. The flimsy wooden stick merely bounced off the robot's chest.

"Note to self; don't bring a bow to a giant robot fight."

Souma, who finally snapped out of the trance the mech's awesomeness put him in, stared down at Himeko, whose school uniform was nearly ripped to shreds. "Oh wow," he muttered while staring at Himeko's chest, "that's pretty hot."

Just then, an echoing voice randomly rung through the minds of Chikane and Himeko. It wasn't the black hole though; this voice sounded much sexier.

"Awaken," it said, "blah blah blah poetic junk nobody cares about, Priestesses of the Moon and Sun, awaken!!"

Another blinding light randomly shot out from Himeko's chest and temporarily blinded Souma, who was staring directly at it. The mecha was also blinded, which doesn't make much sense because robots don't have eyes. It then began to wave its arms around frantically, most likely because the shock of suddenly being blind was too much for the poor simple minded robot. The unconscious Himeko then fell out of the mech's hands and plummeted to the pavement below.

Just like the last time, Chikane was there to save her love interest from the evils of sidewalk cement. She caught Himeko and hopped away with her unconscious body. The mecha then tripped over an overturned car and fell on the spot where Chikane caught Himeko seconds before. The shockwaves of a 646545 tonne robot was too much for even the princess of Ototachibana to handle, and Chikane toppled over and landed on a nice, soft, unconscious Himeko.

The blue haired beauty hastily sat up and looked down at Himeko. "Oh snap." Chikane slapped her friend a few times. "WAKE UP DAMN YOU!!"

Himeko did not reply. Chikane then placed her hand over Himeko's nose.

"She isn't breathing…this calls for some YURI FANSERVICE—er, I mean, CPR." She then ripped Himeko's shirt open, and stared at her bra. "White lace…a little plain, but still, very nice…"

The lunar priestess looked around once. Twice. A third time. Once she was sure nobody was watching she began to grope the unconscious Himeko's assets.

"Eeeheeehee, squishy boobies."

Little did Chikane know, someone _was_ watching her feel up her best friend. Sister Miyako, an Orochi and the source of that random sexy voice from earlier, was watching Chikane take her sexual frustration out on her friend from the inside of a nearby church.

"As hot as this is," Miyako muttered, "the plot tells me I must interrupt it." The Sister snapped her fingers, and another mecha appeared in a blinding light. But this one was purple. Miyako stood atop the robot's shoulder, trying to look as badass as possible. "Let's go kick ass and take names, Yatsu no Onokoshizuchi."

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Chikane finally stopped molesting Himeko long enough to realize that her friend still wasn't breathing, so she proceeded to actually give Himeko CPR. After a few moments of doing whatever it is one does during CPR, Himeko let out a small squeak. The blue haired woman stopped the medical procedure and let out a sigh of relief. "She's not dead, yay! But she's still unconcious…"

Chikane then decided to glance over her shoulder for no apparent reason, and she did not like what she saw. She saw another giant mecha with tentacles on its back destroying the town. The mech shot lightning out of its tentacles, setting a few buildings on fire. Miyako still stood atop its shoulder, looking rather pleased with the mech's handiwork.

"Now then," The Sister pointed at Chikane and Himeko, "shoot them for the hell of it."

The robot did as it was told, and shot its lightning bolts at the couple. Miyako then began to laugh very evilly. "I finished the miko's off in one episode, I am AWESOME." Miyako was about to begin her evil laughter again, but a robot's hand shot out from the smoke the lightning left behind and grabbed Yatsu no Onokoshizuchi's face, which was not something to laugh about.

It was the hand of Souma's robot. It turns out that Souma had the intention of blocking the lightning bolts, thus keeping Himeko and Chikane safe, but he was too slow and the bolts hit them anyways. However, they were completley unharmed, for they have Japanese schoolgirl immunity to every element ever.

Souma was trying his best to look heroic in front of Himeko, but all he had done so far was let out a battle cry that made him sound like a total retard. Once Souma's shriek had broke the ear drums of several passerbys, the two robots then proceeded to pound the crap out of each other.

While the mechs were trying to make scrap metal out of each other, Chikane was contemplating whether or not she should take advantage of the unconcious Himeko again.

"On one hand, if I don't do it, I may never get this opportunity again. On the same hand, nobody will ever find out about it. Still on the same hand, I will have something awesome to tell Otoha tomorrow…hmm." Chikane was still a tad hesitant about violating her friend even though she was doing it a few minutes ago without a second thought.

Meanwhile, Souma and Miyako were still in a super heated mech battle. Both fighters exchanged blows and insults, one after the other, niether of them pausing to give a long winded speech about the values of friendship or anything of the sort. Souma then decided that now was the time to show off his mecha's super fancy moves. He made the robot do a string of Naruto-esque hand signs, and screamed "KAMEHAMEHA NO JUTSU!!!"

With that, Souma blew an energy ball into the torso of Miyako's mech, and proceeded to beat the crap out of it some more.

Directly underneath the mecha battle nobody cared about, Chikane had decided that she might as well do what she wanted with her friend's unconcious body. She slapped Himeko one more time to make sure she was still out cold. No response.

With that, Chikane leaned in, her mind set on doing this; even if Himeko happened to wake up while she did so, she would continue, for stopping in the middle of a kiss, forced or otherwise, is quite rude.

Chikane muttered a quick thank you to the yuri gods, then captured Himeko's lips. Himeko had regained conciousness when Chikane had slapped her, but she wasn't about to inturrupt a hot yuri scene; especially if she was taking part in it.

Once Souma finally owned Miyako's giant robot, he looked down and saw two girls whom he thought looked a lot like Himemiya Chikane and Kurusegawa Himeko making out. He let out a high pitched girly scream.

"Eww, chicks making out!! Wait, that's not ew, that's hot…I think. Is it?! My bishieness says no, but my manliness says yes!!" Souma let out another shriek and held his head in his hands. "INNER CONFLICT RAGES WITHIN ME!!"

**To be continued…**

----------------

OMG. EPISODE ONE. IS ACTUALLY DONE :O!!! Just a couple notes, I guess…

1 – Ootori Amane is a character from the anime Strawberry Panic. It's…uh, uber shoujo-ai, and the character Amane is a boring ass man-chick who rides a horse and saves her love interest from being raped time and time again. She's got that prince thing going on so yeah.

2 – In case you didn't figure it out, Yatsu no Onokoshizuchi is the name of Sister Miyako's mecha. Don'tcha just love google?

3 – My spellcheck is busted.

Remember, review and I'll love you forever. :D


	4. Overlapping Sun and Moon pt 1

The beginning of episode two! HAPPY DAYS! Eh…I don't have much to say. XD So I'll just cut right to the chase! Enjoy or I'll send Chikane to burn all the heartfelt love letters you write to her but never send off. You don't want her to see those, do ya? No? Didn't think so.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Kannazuki no Miko...it'd probably be very similar to this

fanfiction. Which would be bad, wouldn't it?

-------

The full moon which hung in the midnight sky provided natural light for those who needed it. The moonlight illuminated the Himemiya estate, where Himemiya Chikane was dumping buckets of water over her head on a freezing fall night while wearing a nearly see through robe. The blue haired beauty's teeth chattered as she placed the now empty bucket down.

"Otoha," she said while trying to keep the chattering of her teeth to a minimum, "Have I told you the story of what I did to Himeko yet?"

The maid nodded her head, looking quite bored. "Um like, yeah you have Ojou-sama. Like, seventeen times."

"Eighteenth time's the charm." Chikane snapped her fingers. "Towel." Otoha rolled her eyes and passed a dry towel to her mistress.

Chikane finished towelling off and stood, running her hands through her slightly damp hair while doing so. "Now that I am all clean and at risk of catching hypothermia, let us go back inside so I can tell you the story of how I became a Yuri goddess. Afterward, let's go watch some TV. I am in the mood for American Idol myself. Watching people humiliate themselves on national television is my guilty pleasure. What about you, Otoha?"

"Like, I kinda wanted to watch that one show about the doctor dude, but American Idol is good too, Ojou-sama."

xxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile at the Oogami's shrine, Himeko was laying on the floor in one of the shrines many rooms, in a deep sleep. The events from the day before had taken a lot out of her, and the poor girl felt exhausted. Subconsciously sensing that the plot had to move onward, the solar priestesses violet eyes fluttered open. It took a second for her eyes to adjust to the bright afternoon sunlight, but once they did she was greeted with a familiar face hovering over her. It was none other than Chikane.

"Good morning, Himeko."

Himeko attempted to rub the morning blurriness out of her eyes. "Chikane-chan," she mumbled, "were you watching me sleep or something?"

The taller girl cleared her throat. "Of course not. But for all intents and purposes, let's say I was. What would have to say about that?"

"N-nothing really…" Himeko looked around the room she was in. "Why does it look like we're in a cheap hotel?"

"We're at the Oogami shrine."

"Oh," The blonde girl sat up and yawned. "That would explain the tacky décor then." Himeko's wandering gaze stopped on a limed edition signed Power Rangers poster, which hung over the door frame. Her features scrunched up in slight confusion. "What in the world…?"

"Yes…you can tell Oogami-kun was the one who designed this room." Chikane shook her head. "But anyway, how are you feeling?"

Himeko cracked her knuckles absentmindedly. "Eh, not bad. My butt feels a bit sore though…"

Chikane had a sudden coughing fit.

"It's probably sore from when I fainted and fell onto Oogami-kun's mech or something."

The lunar miko cleared her throat yet again, and nodded her head thoughtfully. "Y-Yes, that's definitely it. Definitely."

Quite suddenly, Himeko had a flashback of what Chikane was doing to her yesterday. She stared into space as she replayed the scene in her head, a dopey smile spread across her features when the scene finished playing out. Chikane stared blankly at Himeko, noticing that her friend had not blinked for the past three and a half minutes, and she was now wearing the stupidest grin one would ever see.

"Himeko…? Anyone home? Earth to Himeko, come in Himeko…"

Himeko did not reply. Her smile just grew wider as she played the scene in her head a second time. The lunar priestess glanced around the room, and when she felt the coast was clear, she copped a quick feel.

"Hurr," a grin that rivalled the stupidity of Himeko's spread across Chikane's face. "Squishy, squishy…oh wait, I guess I should bring her back to reality now." Chikane snapped her fingers in front of Himeko's face. "Snap out of it, space cadet."

The blonde girl finished playing the scene through her head again, and snapped back to reality. She glanced over at Chikane, still looking slightly out of it. "I'm sorry Chikane-chan, I was having a flashback."

"I see. Does this happen often?"

"That was my first one ever, actually."

The door that separated outside with the Oogami estate then slid open. In the doorway stood Souma's butt buddy, Yukihito. "Yo, uh, Oogami-sensei wants to talk to you guys. Dunno what about though."

Himeko jumped out of bed, her natural energy rushing back to her in an instant. "Okie dokie nameless guy! Lemmie get dressed first though…" she glanced down at her current attire, which was a blue set of pyjamas. "As cute as these PJ's are, I don't really want to be seen in public with them, y'know? You got a place I can change dawg?"

Yukihito blinked a few times, and pointed at a divider that was in the room without saying a word.

After politely declining Chikane's offer to help her get undressed, Himeko walked behind the divider and proceeded to change into some more suitable clothes. Feeling the need to check if her breasts had gotten any smaller, Himeko glanced down at her exposed chest. She sighed in relief when they appeared to be the same size as always. Upon further inspection, however, Himeko spotted a mark on her chest that vaguely resembled a sun. "Oh my god," she murmured as she ran her fingers over the mark, "did someone give me a tattoo while I was out?!"

After Himeko finished getting changed, Yukihito led her and Chikane to Kazuki's office. Himeko couldn't get her newfound tattoo off her mind. Thoughts and speculations about who would have done such a thing ran through her head. She glanced up at Chikane, and began to think. After a moment or two of pondering over whether or not Chikane was the one who gave her this mark, she shook her head. "No, she would never do such a thing. Why would she? Tattoos are so uncool, and Chikane is very cool. It wouldn't make sense…"

Chikane glanced over her shoulder and stared in confusion at her friend. "Himeko, you must stop muttering to yourself like that. I don't believe speaking to oneself is considered normal."

"It is in an anime." Yukihito pointed out. The helper boy then stopped in front of a huge door, and pushed it open.

"Here they are sensei…sorry it took so long, the stupid one took about twenty minutes to get dressed."

Himeko shot Yukihito a menacing glare, but Himeko's cuteness countered the effects of the menacing-ness. Souma's yaoi pal backed out of the room and pulled the huge door shut behind him.

"Oh, Yukihito-kun," Kazuki called, "Check on that failure I call my brother for me, would you?" Kazuki was answered with a faint "Yes Sensei!" from the helper boy.

Kazuki looked at the two girls. _"Gods,"_ he thought, _"does the fate of the world really rest in the hands of an airhead and rich kid?" _

"Umm, is something wrong with Souma-kun?" Himeko asked.

The priest let out a quiet sigh. "You mean besides the fact that he's a total spaz that nobody likes? Yes, there is. He seems to be exhausted from yesterday. He's resting in his room though, so he should be fine."

Chikane cocked an eyebrow. "So you mean to tell me that you told nameless helper guy to go into Oogami's room… when there's nobody around… and when he's most likely unconscious…" The lunar miko cringed at the thought. Kazuki, however, didn't understand what Chikane was implying.

"Yes, what's wrong with that?"

"You're just begging the slashfic writers to take… "creative licence" with that scene, aren't you?" The blue haired woman deadpanned.

"Right…well anyway, enough about Souma, we need to talk about you two."

The two girls glanced at each other. "What did we do this time?"

Kazuki sat down on the cool shrine linoleum, and took a deep breath. "What I am about to tell you is a dark piece of history, performed by—"

Himeko raised her hand. Kazuki stopped in mid sentence and pointed at the blonde girl. "Uh, yes, Himeko. Question?"

She shook her head. "I just need to go to the bathroom."

Kazuki pointed at a nearby door. "Through there…"

The girl stood and ran into the door, clutching her lower quarters while doing so. Chikane also stood. Himeko stopped in front of the door and turned her head, giving her friend a confused look. "Chikane-chan?"

"Th-the seme must always help the uke to the bathroom. It's an unwritten rule of Yuridom, you know."

"Chikane-chan, I think you just made that up. Besides, I'm a big girl now!" Himeko beat her chest, looking rather pleased with herself. "See, I got out of the pull-ups and everything!"

The lunar miko shrugged her shoulders and sat down. "It was worth a try."

After Himeko finished using the restroom, Kazuki began his speech again.

"This story may suck, but you must listen to all of it, no matter what. It is crucial to the plot, after all." He gave the two girls a stern look. "You understand?" They both nodded their heads. "Good. Anyway, there's this building on the moon that took NASA like, 5000 years to find. You see, this building is a shrine which we used to keep an evil god locked away. But NASA discovered it recently, and tore it down for no apparent reason." Kazuki shifted in his seat. "When said building is destroyed, a huge black hole will rise in the sky. You know the one you saw yesterday? So then the evil god, the Orochi, is revived."

"Isn't that guy from Naruto?" Himeko piped up. "Wait, he's REAL?! Do you mean to tell me that anime characters really exist, sensei?! Oh my god, this changes my whole way of--"

Kazuki raised his hand for silence. "You're thinking of _Orochimaru._ As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," he shot the solar priestess a nasty look, "Since the Orochi is a god, the general rules of anime say it cannot be defeated by the main characters alone. The only thing that can beat the bugger back to the moon is Kenshi Ameno Murakumo, which is revived by two priestesses."

"Two girls who look hot in miko outfits then? Gee, I wonder who they could possibly be…" Chikane said while rolling her eyes. Kazuki glared at her.

"Look, I know that it's totally obvious, but would you just play along please? Thanks." The priest shook his head. "Kids these days have no respect for good storytelling…moving right along, Kurusegawa-kun; you should have a totally hip mark of the sun on you somewhere."

Chikane raised an eyebrow. "I didn't see it yesterday—um, I mean, the last time we bathed together. Whenever that was..."

The solar miko nodded her head. "Yes, I do that have that… tattoo thing. I just found it this morning; it scared the bajeebus out of me to be honest. I thought someone had put it on me while I was out!"

Chikane had another coughing fit.

"Well, it's the mark of the solar priestess. Surprise!" Kazuki threw his arms up in the air. "Anyway, the Oogami family has descended from the priest who guided the original priestesses through the process of reviving Kenshi Ameno Murakumo centuries ago."

The blue haired woman stifled a yawn. "Surprise surprise."

"Look bookie," Kazuki's voice got a bit louder, "I'm not the one who writes this crap, so don't give me any lip about the predictable nature of the plot, aight?"

"Aight."

"Kids these days, I swear…"

"So, is Souma-kun is the descendant guy?" Himeko asked.

The priest jumped up out of his seat, and pointed at Chikane, a smirk on his lips. "PLOT TWIST!! You see, like we have the two priestesses, the Orochi has eight followers."

"Wow. Eight whole people." The taller girl chuckled. "What a success that was."

Kazuki just ignored the lunar miko's comments on the plot. "The eight followers bring hostility, chaos, and generally unpleasant things to our world."

Kazuki went on to explain absolutely everything the Orochi do, from destroying towns to kicking puppies. It took him four and a half hours to list off all the evil deeds.

Elsewhere, a very bored Nekoko sat in the realm of the Orochi, kicking her legs into the air absentmindedly. "Nya…not everyone is here yet!" The catgirl looked around the nearly empty realm. "One, two…umm…the number after two…"

Everyone's favourite idol, Corona, finished adjusting her lipstick and laughed at her fellow Orochi's awful math skills. "Three, dumbass. Besides, what does it matter if some of them are being slow? They're big kids now; they can find their way into an alternate dimension on their own." She smirked. "Being strict with things like being on time is so…" The idol turned her gaze to another nearby Orochi, Reiko, who was scratching away at an artists pad.

"Yo, missus manga queen!"

Reiko turned her back to the idol without saying a word.

"You could at least face this way, you inconsiderate little—" Corona scowled, pulled out a tube of lipstick, and threw it at the manga-ka.

Reiko threw a pen at the tube, and both the pen and the lipstick exploded in a flash of purple light.

Corona chuckled. "You're a pretty good shot, Oota-sensei."

The manga-ka took out another pen, and began drawing again. "You're an annoying so-n-so, 69th."

"H-Hey you! I'll have you know I'm number 68th!! YOU HEAR ME?! 68th!!"

Nekoko, deciding it was about time she joined in this conversation, leapt to Corona's side. "What's number 68th nya?"

"Her highest CD sales ranking." Reiko stopped to erase something. "Sad, no?"

Corona scowled again, and kicked at the catgirl's feet. "Get outta here you…"

Nekoko leapt away before the kick even came close to hitting her. "Coro-chin's PMSing again nya!"

Corona glanced around, looking rather bored. "The seventh neck is still missing…who knows about the eighth neck…and the third neck is gone too? Who let that muscle head off his leash and into the wild?"

Sister Miyako, who came out of nowhere, giggled a rather evil sounding giggle. "Girochi must want to kill the priestesses before anyone else does, so he can get out of this show quicker. He didn't seem to want to be in this anime at all."

Nekoko pulled a bag of chips out from under her nurse hat. "But why did the seventh neck betray us?"

"I haven't the foggiest," Miyako replied, "But no worries my dear. He won't be able to resist the Orochi gene for much longer. Hey…pass the chips over here, would you?"

**To be continued…**

-------

I…have no idea what the thing Chikane was wearing in the first scene was called, so I just went with "robe". Also, I didn't know what the place the Orochi hang out in was called, so I went with Orochi realm. If anyone knows what either of those are called, let me know, eh? Erm… anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. And remember, review and I will love you forever and ever and ever. I will. Really. I promise.


	5. Overlapping Sun and Moon pt 2

Ack… sorry about the wait people, a massive case of writer's block hit me when it came to the hospital scene. But that's gone now…yay! But there isn't much going on in this chapter, unfortunately. Also, sorry for any typo's or mispellings here. My spellcheck is still busted, and FF's spellcheck is bloody useless. Ah well, hope you enjoy anyways.

**Le disclaimer:** Don't own it, just love it.

--

At the Oogami shrine, Kazuki was still explaining a crucial plot point to Chikane and Himeko. He had been at it a good nine hours now, and both girls were both bored out of their skulls. Himeko had fallen asleep sometime after the fifth hour, and Chikane was keeping herself pre-occupied with a Nintendo DS she had kept in her pants.

"Listen closely to this bit, because it's a…" Kazuki glanced over at Chikane, who was playing something on her handheld console. Judging by the sound effects and background music coming from the little machine, he guessed it was some Pokemon game.

"**PLOT TWIST!!**"

Chikane looked up at him, slightly startled by the priest's sudden outburst. Himeko instantly woke up and bolted upright, also startled. He smirked a triumphant smirk, and continued.

"You see, Souma is not part of the Oogami family. We adopted him when he was very young."

"So," Chikane snapped the DS shut, "What's his real last name?"

Kazuki avoided the lunar miko's gaze. "H-He doesn't like me telling people."

"That just makes me all the more curious."

"Moving right along," the priest coughed, "Souma is your enemy. A member of the Orochi."

Himeko stared in absolute disbelief at the priest, while Chikane, who was totally unfazed by this "plot twist", began to play her game again.

"The robot you've seen Souma pilot… is one of the eight bodies of the Orochi."

A shrill cry of "NOOOO!!" rung through the nearly empty room they were sitting in. Himeko, so shocked by the sudden plot twist, let out a screech that would make a metal band cry and fainted on the spot. Luckily, Chikane was once again there to rescue her potential girlfriend from the evils of the floor. The blue haired woman hastily lifted the unconscious Himeko off the floor and carried her bridal style to the door.

"I'll take her to the room she was resting in previously. I'll be back in about…twenty minutes, or maybe a half an hour."

Kazuki didn't have a chance to ask why Chikane would take _that_ long, for she had already bolted out of the door. The priest stared at the now empty doorway with slight concern. He thought that for a brief moment, he saw the blue haired woman drooling.

A short while later, Chikane had returned to Kazuki's office. Kazuki thought that he had saw the top button on her skirt unbuttoned, but he dismissed it as a mere wardrobe malfunction.

The priest looked up at Chikane. "I'm sorry about Kurusegawa-kun…do you think I told her too soon?"

"Oh no," the blue haired woman waved her hand in a dismissive fashion, "In fact, I think you told her right on time," she finished with a smile.

"_Yes__**, right **__on time…the second episode in, and Himeko has a reason to hate the damned bishounen…just as planned. Now if I play my cards right, I could get some by the fourth or fifth episode!" _Chikane thought, her smile growing wider all the while.

"So, he really is an Orochi then? That's not just a crappy plot twist you made up on the spur of the moment?" the miko asked.

"Oh no, it's true. I understand that you would have 'what-if's' about such a thing though." Kazuki nodded his head. "Souma himself had trouble believing it at first…in fact; let's watch the trouble through the magic of flashbacks, shall we?"

"Oh yes, let's."

Kazuki pushed a hidden button on his hat, and a television screen descended from the ceiling. It turned on, and the flashback began to play.

On the television screen, Oogami Souma, who had just found out about his Orochi-ness, was now angsting on the ground, on his hands and knees… the position he was most familiar and comfortable with.

"I still can't believe…that I am an Orochi…and I tried to kill the only girl I've ever thought about," he glanced down at his hands, "and that something besides hormones are raging within me…" Souma looked to Kazuki. "Nii-san, the voices in my head tell me to kill the priestesses all the time, and I try to put them on mute, I really really try, but the TV remote in my head is low on battery power."

Kazuki put his hands on his brother's shoulders and leaned in quite close, making all yaoi fan girls within a fifty mile radius squeal in anticipation.

"Listen Souma. That thing about the TV remote made no sense whatsoever, but I'll put that aside for now. If you weren't there to protect the priestesses at the time, they would have…" Kazuki let his voice trail off. "No wait, they wouldn't have died, they have Japanese schoolgirl immunity."

Souma began to cry, the yaoi fangirls walked away with disappointed looks, and the TV playing the scene shut off.

"So there you go," Kazuki hit the button on his hat again, and the TV went back into the ceiling. "My brother doing what he does best. Whining. Even so, I believe in him. He'll beat the Orochi gene. I know he will, because he's a main character."

Chikane nodded her head. "Oh yeah, he'll beat it all right. Yeah…"

The priest yawned. "There is one more thing I must tell you; about what a priestess is, and about you."

"I already know enough on the subject of me. Thanks though."

Kazuki placed his hand over his eyes, and let out an exasperated sigh. "Yeah, well…just listen."

In the other room, Himeko was finally coming to. She sat up and glanced around the room.

"Chikane-chan's not here watching me sleep…and why in the world is my shirt unbuttoned?"

Himeko suddenly had another flashback. This one was very brief though, just a quick shot of Makoto running towards her, and looking rather jolly. Once it ended, the blonde girl held her head in her hands.

"I think…I think I need to get some medication to stop these flashbacks. But first," she sat up and buttoned her shirt up, "I feel the sudden urge to check on Mako-chan." The solar miko stood and ran out the door that connected outside with the Oogami shrine.

"_Mako-chan and I lived in the dorms together, and as far as I know, I'm the only one who can tolerate Mako-chanfor more than five minutes, so Mako-chan doesn't have anyone to stay with out here in Mahoroba," _Himeko quickened her pace and turned a corner, _"so she must be at the dorms still…right?"_

Himeko finally reached her destination; Ototachibana Academy. There was a crowd around the right wing of the school, which was the part of the building that had sustained the most damage in yesterday's robot fight. The police were on the scene, investigating and keeping the crowd away from the wreckage. A few of the school teachers were talking to the policemen, most likely being questioned on yesterday's events. Himeko stared at the debris, down trodden. "She can't be here then…so where…?"

As if someone was reading her thoughts, one of the teachers who were on the scene spotted Himeko in the crowd and ran up to her.

"Kurusegawa-san, how are you holding up? Did you find somewhere to stay?"

"Yes I did sensei, but never mind that! Do you have any idea what happened to Mako-chan?"

The teacher thought her words over for a moment before replying. "She's most likely in Kamiya Tate University Hospital. That's where most of the injured people are."

Himeko thanked the teacher, and ran off yet again, her destination this time being the hospital.

After running for awhile, she reached the hospital. Himeko walked inside, and walked up to the front desk.

"Excuse me," she said to the clerk, "I'm here to see Saotome Makoto. Could you tell me what room she is in?"

The nurse working at the front desk flipped to the next page in the novel she was reading and yawned, ignoring Himeko entirely. Himeko gave the woman a confused look and cleared her throat.

"E-Excuse me!"

The nurse still completely ignored Himeko's presence.

Himeko banged her fist against the front counter. "HEY! I'm TALKIN' to you, woman!!"

The nurse glanced up at Himeko, and pulled a headphone out of her left ear.

"Can I help you, miss?"

Himeko let out an annoyed sigh. "Yes, could you tell me what room Saotome Makoto is in, _please?_"

"No, I can't. Can't you see I'm trying to read?" the nurse picked her pocket book back up and stuck the headphone back into her ear. "Just read each name plate beside each and every door in this hospital until you find her. Now bugger off and let me finish reading this title less book."

The solar miko decided that attempting to get the nurse to help her would be a waste of effort, so she walked down the halls of the hospital, looking for Mako-chan's room.

"Let's see here… Suzumi, Satou, Saotome…oh," Himeko took a few steps backward and knocked on the door that had the Saotome surname on the name plate. The knock was answered with an incoherant mumble. Himeko opened the door and stepped inside the hospital room. The miko saw her friend lying in a hospital bed, with her right leg in a cast, and bandages covering her entire head. She had to use all of her will power to resist cracking some sort of mummy joke here.

"H-Hi, Mako-chan."

Makoto replied with some sort of mumble.

"Pardon?"

Makoto mumbled a bit louder, but the bandages that were tightly wrapped around her head made her impossible to understand. Letting out a frustrated grunt, Mako pulled a notepad out from under her bed, along with a pen, and began to write. Once she finished writing, she turned the notepad towards Himeko.

"Hi Himeko," Himeko read aloud, "I'm glad you didn't get trampled on by that mob of people." The miko giggled. "Yeah, the mob wasn't that bad."

Makoto wrote, "I was kind of worried that you would've ended up in here with me! I'm glad you're okay," on a fresh page, and showed it to her friend.

"…Mako-chan, what happened to your leg?"

Makoto scribbled "Don't worry about it, it's no biggie. I've definitely gone through worse… remember the incident with the elephant, the tourist bus, and the bicycle pump?" on a fresh sheet.

"Dammit, we vowed never to speak of that again, remember? Anyways…these are nice flowers, Mako-chan." Himeko said while pointing to a vase of flowers, obviously trying to change the subject.

Makoto wrote "Miya-sama sent them. I thought that was pretty rad, but word on the street is that she sent them to everyone in town."

"Oh…well, it's the thought…or lack thereof that counts, right Mako-chan?"

Makoto hesitated for a moment, then she began to write on the pad yet again. Mako tore the paper out of the note pad, folded it in half, and passed Himeko the sheet of paper. Himeko unfolded the paper, and looked down.

It said "GTFO" in big, bold letters.

The blonde girl just stood up, crushed the note in her hand, and left Makoto's hospital room without a word, fighting back tears all the while.

Himeko could have sworn that she had heard muffled cackling echoing through the hospital halls afterward.

**To be continued…**

--

Why does Chikane play Pokemon? What is Souma's real surname? Why do I keep pairing Souma up with every guy in this show? Why is Makoto such a bitch? Why am I asking you all these questions?! Answers to all these questions and more on the next exciting episode of TEATARISHIDAI NO MIKO!

…Or not.

Also, review and I'll love you forever and stuff. :D


	6. Overlapping Sun and Moon pt 3

So, here it is. The finale to episode two. Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer of DOOM:** Hold on, let me go check if I own Kannazuki no Miko or not, and I'll get back to you.

--

Back at the Oogami shrine, Yukihito finally finished doing the dirty with Souma's unconscious body and noticed that Himeko was no longer in her resting quarters. He also noticed her pyjamas had been thrown aimlessly to the floor, and that her normal attire was missing.

"Oh man, it was MY responsibility to watch her, and she wanders off? Typical, so typical," Yukihito groaned and banged his head against a wall for a moment or two. "If I don't find her quickly, who knows what'll happen…"

"If you don't find who quickly, nameless helper boy?"

Yukihito nervously glanced over his shoulder and saw a very displeased looking Himemiya Chikane staring back at him.

"You couldn't possibly be talking about Himeko, could you? I mean," she folded her arms and chuckled, "it was your job to look after her, was it not?"

"A-Ah, yeah…" The helper boy cleared his throat, "Ha ha, about that…she seems to have, um, run off on her own." He glanced up at Chikane, who looked like she was about to wring the unimportant character's neck.

"Do you have any idea as to where she might have gone?"

Yukihito slowly shook his head, wearing an expression similar to that of a deer caught in the headlights of a car.

Chikane let out a low growl and walked towards the doors that lead outside. "Bloody useless minor characters…" She stopped and didn't bother to look back at the poor boy. "I shall have Otoha deal with your incompetence later. I can tell you from personal experience that she's bloody awful with a bullwhip, so look forward to it."

With that, Chikane walked out the door and went to search for Himeko. Once she left, Yukihito broke down into tears, wailing something or other about bullwhip handles.

xxxxxxx

Meanwhile, Himeko decided to emo about what Makoto did to her earlier that day at a train station of all places.

"Why would Mako-chan do such a thing…?" She wondered aloud, "Is it the way I dress? The way I smell? The way I act like a useless stereotypical anime girl? Or is it because I have an annoying voice?" Himeko heaved a sigh and stared at the doorway of the train station.

"All right, I've decided…I'm going to run away from Mahoroba and never return! Yeah!" She nodded her head and clenched her fists, looking quite determined. "I'll change my name and appearance and everything…let's see, I'll wear a pair of glasses, change my hairstyle, learn to play the guitar, and rename myself Himiko! Yeah, it's foolproof! Nobody will ever suspect it's me!"

"There is one flaw in your plan," a familiar voice called from behind Himeko, "You know you're not even allowed to do so much as touch a guitar after the infamous concert orgy incident."

Himeko turned to see it was none other than Chikane standing behind her.

"You know we vowed never to speak of that again, Chikane-chan. Now I don't mean to sound rude, but could you leave for about twenty minutes? I wasn't done angsting."

Chikane held up a picnic basket. "I brought food."

The solar priestess stared at the basket for a moment. "…No, let me be. I don't get to angst that often, you know."

"I brought doughnuts."

"…Okay, you win."

Chikane sat down next to her friend and handed her the basket. She thanked Chikane, and began to stuff her face.

"So Himeko, why were you even considering leaving Mahoroba?"

"Well," the blonde haired girl swallowed a mouthful of food and thought her words over for a moment. "…I think that the people of the village find me annoying, so I figured I'd put them out of their misery, you know?"

Chikane slowly nodded her head. "I understand. Then maybe…I'll join you. Yes, we can run away to Italy, and go sightseeing in New Zealand, and maybe Paris…we can bring Otoha along, and I'll have her pack us box lunches every day! It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure, Himeko!"

"YEAH!" Himeko threw her arms up into the air enthusiastically, "Then we can go to Australia! I've always wanted to go to Australia! We can go to Australia, right?!" The girl blinked and lowered her arms. "But…but you're different from me, Chikane-chan. If I leave the village, no one would miss me. Now on the other hand, if YOU left, think of the drastic things the fan girls would do! Some might even…" she paused for dramatic effect, "…make a YouTube video rant about it! So I--"

Chikane cut her friend off. "If you left, I'd be very, very sad. Besides…" Chikane untied the ribbon which kept her shirt tied up, turned around, and slid her shirt down so her bare shoulders were exposed to the cool evening air. Himeko stared in confusion at her friend.

"Ch-Chikane-chan…isn't it a bit early in the series for a strip tease?"

"I love strip teases as much as the next person, but look closer Himeko," the lunar miko pushed her long blue hair aside so Himeko could see the mark of the lunar priestess that was on her back. "See? I am the same as you…a priestess." Chikane turned around and gave Himeko a reassuring smile. "Now, I would never stop you from doing something you truly want to do, but I assume you are well aware that I would chase you to the very ends of the earth and back, whether you wanted me to or not."

Himeko felt tears welling up in her eyes. "Is that an unwritten rule of yuridom, Chikane-chan?"

"No," Chikane said with a smile, "it's something I would do by my own free will."

The solar priestess threw herself into Chikane's arms. "Oh, Chikane-chan, that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me!"

"_You know what else is sweet?"_ Chikane grinned from ear to ear, _"your head in my cleavage. HURR." _

The yuritastic moment was interrupted by the sound of chains rattling. Chikane and Himeko glanced at the front of the train station, and saw a rather burly man with green hair standing in the doorframe. He sniffled and wiped his nose with a silk handkerchief.

"I finally found you, priestesses." He pointed at the two girls rather unenthusiastically.

"Who are you?"

"A-Ah…oh dear, I am…just a sec girls," the burly man pulled what appeared to be a cue card out from his pants pocket and looked it over. "I am the third neck of the Orochi," he threw one fist up into the air while staring down at the card, "Girochi…! I've come to take you two away…!" He looked up at the two priestesses, who just stared at him with blank expressions on their faces.

"Umm…are we supposed to fight now?" Girochi asked.

Chikane shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose." She pulled her archery set out of her pants, and pointed a loaded arrow at the Orochi neck. "Get back, you vulgar man!"

Girochi took the two chains that were around his neck and whipped one at Chikane, which sent her flying. He used the other to grapple Himeko and pull her towards him.

"Goodness…" the lunar miko picked herself up. "Note to self; Japanese school girls are NOT immune to chains."

Girochi hoisted the chained Himeko up and held her bridal style. "U-Um…I ah… I just wanted to let you know I find you extremely attractive, and I would totally be happy if you went out on a date with me!!" He said with a goofy grin plastered on his mug.

Himeko made a face. "You're joking, right?"

"OH HELL NO." Chikane quickly set up three arrows, and shot them at the mans back.

"Hey, that really hurt y'know!" Girochi whined, and whipped a chain at the blue haired woman, which sent her flying yet again. Girochi went over to the injured Chikane and kneeled down so he was at her current eye level.

"Listen, I know we need to fight and all, but three arrows to the back? Come on woman, they don't give me a stunt double you know. I have another job besides this Orochi business, and I'll have you know that it's very physically demanding! Now I'll need to sit out for at least a week because you messed up my back! Who's going to compensate for my week's worth of lost pay, huh?!"

Quite suddenly, a motorcycle burst through the west wall of the train station and hit Girochi square in the arm, which made him fall over. The rider of said motorcycle, who turned out to be none other than Oogami Souma, jumped off of the bike and towered over the Orochi man, attempting to look heroic. Chikane took this opportunity to dust herself off.

"Oh yay, Souma's here. We're all safe now." The lunar miko deadpanned.

Girochi helped himself up. "GREAT! Just flippin' great! Now I have a bum arm! That's yet ANOTHER week without any income comin' my way! I may be an Orochi, but I got bills to pay just like the rest of you!! Yeah, this tears it, no more messin' around!!" The burly man raised his fist, and the back of his hand started to glow a familiar purple. "Come on out, GANGAL!!"

Suddenly, a giant robot with a huge arm came out of nowhere, scooped the Orochi up, and stuffed him in its cockpit. The mecha then charged towards Souma with murderous intent. Luckily, Souma's robot magically appeared in front of him just in time to block the blow. Souma somehow floated up into his robot's cockpit, and thus began yet another girly scream filled mecha battle. At the last second of the action packed robot scrap, Girochi's mecha turned into a robotic bird and flew away.

Souma shook his mech's fist at the bird. "I'll get you my pretty, and your magical robot man that turns into a chicken too!"

Meanwhile, back at the train station, Himeko was weeping her little heart out about nothing in particular while Chikane was attempting to console her.

"Ch-Chikane-chan, I want to stay here! I…I want to be with Chikane-chan, and Oogami-kun, and all the unimportant side characters forever!!" With that, she buried her head into Chikane's bosom yet again and began to cry even harder.

Chikane wore her perverted grin all the while.

--

Yes, I totally changed Girochi's character…is that bad? D: Well anyways, hope you enjoyed the end of episode two. Review and I'll—oh you know the drill.


	7. Secret Rabu Rabu Shell pt 1

Due to two hard-drive wipes, I had to rewrite this chapter…well, twice, which is why it took longer than normal. Lucky number seven indeed.

**Disclaimer:** You know what I wish I owned? A computer that isn't made of fail. Oh, and I don't own Kannazuki no Miko.

--

A short while after Girochi and Souma had left the dilapidated train station, Himeko had finished her crying fit and decided it was about time she headed home. She asked Chikane if she would walk her back to the dorms, and the blue haired woman happily obliged.

However, Himeko somehow managed to forget that her home had been reduced to a pile of rubble a few days ago. When they were about halfway there, Chikane stopped dead in her tracks, and turned to look at Himeko.

"Himeko, I just thought of something. Isn't your dorm sort of…you know, destroyed?"

Himeko thought it over for a moment or two, realised that her friend was correct, and smacked her forehead multiple times.

"Gosh… I'm really sorry Chikane-chan; I totally forgot that I don't have a home anymore. But that's okay! I've always wondered what living like a hobo would be like!"

"…The things you say worry me sometimes Himeko," the blue hair woman said with a concerned look on her face. "Anyway, you are more than welcome to stay at my home."

"I really wanted to try living as a hobo…" the girl muttered under her breath, "but I guess staying with you may be a better choice."

After a while, the two girls finally reached Chikane's sizeable estate. Himeko's jaw dropped in awe as she looked her friend's home over.

"Wowsers Chikane-chan, this is almost as big as the school… if not bigger!"

"Yes, my father likes things grand," she replied, sounding rather bored, "His houses, his cars, his guns… personally, I think he's compensating for something. But enough about that, let's go inside."

Chikane grabbed two of the bars on the gate and hoisted herself upward, climbing up the gate. Himeko let out a surprised squeak and tried her best not to stare up Chikane's skirt.

"Ch-Chikane-chan, couldn't you just unlock the gate with a key or--"

"Come now Himeko, where's your sense of adventure?" Chikane replied with a chuckle.

"Breaking into your own house is your idea of _adventure_?"

Chikane scaled the gate with no problems whatsoever, but Himeko had somehow managed to rip her pants. Chikane had suggested that she take the now ruined trousers off until they got inside her home, but Himeko told her it was far too cold to be running around outside in nothing but a pair of panties.

The duo approached the colossal front doors of the Himemiya estate. Chikane knocked on the doors and announced it was her. After a moment or two, the gigantic mahogany doors of the Himemiya home were pulled open by the two strongest maids in history. The two girls were then greeted by 98 _more_ maids. Himeko noted that one of them did not have the exact same hairstyle as every other maid in the room, and figured that she was the head maid.

"Ojou-sama, the bath is like, ready and stuff," The maid, who was none other than Otoha, told Chikane. "You go in too, Kurusegawa-sama."

Himeko blinked in confusion. "How did you know my—"

"Ojou-sama told me the details. Ojou-sama tells me _everything_," Otoha stifled a giggle and handed Himeko a towel. "Please, like, make yourself at home."

Himeko thanked the maid and followed Chikane into the bath room.

While they bathed, Himeko tried her very best to not stare at her friend's naked form, but she found herself glancing at her from the corner of her eye while Chikane was, surprisingly enough, keeping her eyes to herself for a change.

"_Geez, Chikane-chan has a really nice body… her skin, her hair, her boobs… wait, what?!"_ Himeko mentally slapped herself for thinking such things about her best friend, and let out a sigh. "Is it normal for your best friend to make you question your sexuality?" she mumbled.

Chikane heard the mumbling and glanced over at Himeko. "Is all the steam finally getting to you, Himeko?"

Himeko snapped back to reality and looked over at her friend. "Huh?"

"Oh yes, the steam has definitely gotten to your head. Let's get out now, shall we?"

xxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile, in the Orochi realm, Nekoko had told Girochi she had a sure-fire cure for the damage Chikane and Souma had caused earlier that day. Girochi did not want to waste what little money he had on seeing a professionally trained doctor, so he settled for the little catgirl's remedy.

That remedy being a gigantic syringe injecting various types of medicine into the poor man's body.

Nekoko removed the syringe from Girochi's flesh and stabbed at a previously un-pierced spot, causing the third neck to howl in pain. The catgirl removed the syringe one final time and stepped backward, pleased with her handiwork.

"Finished! You'll be back to work soon nya! Just don't move for the next two weeks, 'kay?"

Girochi bolted upright and stared at Nekoko in disbelief.

"TWO WEEKS?!" he roared, "You said this was a quick fix!!"

While the two bickered, Sister Miyako used her super extreme nun powers to sneak up behind the burly man without being noticed, and watched him for a moment.

"Looks like you're back to normal," she finally said. "I'm glad."

Girochi turned his head and stared at Miyako. "A-Aneki…"

"I _am_ glad you have recovered… however, your epic failure cannot go unpunished. Come now Girochi, it's time for your… repentance." The nun smiled. "Yes, repentance, let's just call it that from now on. It sounds much more pleasant than "the electric chair game", wouldn't you agree?"

Girochi began to cry.

**To be continued…**

--

You know what a really awesome word is? Tatterdemalion. Tatterdemalion is a really awesome word. Uh, anyway, you know the drill. Reviews are love. c:


	8. Secret Rabu Rabu Shell pt 2

So it's been about a year since I started this story, and I'm only on episode three. So by my calculations, I'll have this fic done by the time I'm... old! Huzzah!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own nothin'.

-------------

While Girochi was having his "repentance session" with Sister Miyako, Corona decided that now was a good a time as ever to ask the remaining Orochi necks about who would go and attempt to kill the priestesses next.

Reiko mumbled something about the latest chapter of her manga being due tomorrow, so she couldn't go.

"Well I can't do it," Corona announced, "I get to beta test the new DDR game tomorrow, so that leaves…"

"Nekoko will go!" The little catgirl hugged her giant syringe and smiled gleefully.

"Go right ahead, but don't do anything I wouldn't do." Corona advised.

"That doesn't leave much nya!"

Before the pop singer had a chance to ask what Nekoko meant by that, she had teleported away.

Meanwhile, back at the Himemiya residence, Himeko was having a nightmare about the previous day's events. Images of Souma and Sister Miyako's mechs locked in combat rapidly flashed through her mind. Himeko suddenly bolted upright, now wide awake and gasping for air. She tried her best to get the images of the two robots out of her mind, but a sudden knock at her bedroom door broke her concentration.

"Himeko, I can hear you panting and groaning from my room," Chikane said from the other side of the door, "What are you doing in there, and do you need any help with it? Any at all? An extra hand or tongue maybe?"

"A-Ah…" Himeko got up and opened the door, "I was just having a bad dream is all…"

"Oh, is that all…" The lunar miko replied, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"B-But it was really scary!" Himeko sat on her bed and Chikane followed suit. "I didn't understand anything that was going on in it, and…and I'm sorry I woke you up."

"No worries," Chikane placed her arm around her friends shoulders comfortingly, "just try to get some rest. I will stay right here with you. If the uke is feeling excessive amounts of pressure, it is up to the seme to relieve their stress by any means possible. Unwritten rule of yuridom, you know. Feel free to cling to me while you sleep."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

The next morning, Himeko awoke to find that Chikane was no longer in bed with her.

"Waking up all alone… is this one of those 'one night stands' Mako-chan was always telling me about?"

Himeko went through her morning preparations, and headed downstairs. She walked into the dining room and saw Chikane sitting at the head of the table, surrounded by her harem of maids. The blonde girl greeted her friend and grabbed a seat whilst the maids wheeled breakfast in.

"Like, good morning," Otoha bowed to the two girls. "Breakfast today is, um, some sort of mushrooms and fish. A Japanese styled breakfast, yup."

Himeko stared down at the plate one of the maids placed in front of her with distaste.

"Shiitake mushrooms…" she winced as she picked at the mushrooms with her chopsticks. Otoha noticed the look of disgust that flashed across the poor girl's features.

"Is something wrong with the meal, Kurusegawa-sama?"

"No, I was just thinking about how…how good this looks!" Himeko managed to stutter out. She thanked Otoha for the meal, and popped one of the mushrooms into her mouth, fighting back the urge to spit it back out again.

Otoha hid a malicious smile behind the back of her hand. "_Note to self; cook shiitake a__** lot**__ more often."_

After Himeko had forced herself to eat each and every mushroom she had on her plate, it was time to leave for school. The duo said goodbye to the harem of maids, and set off.

When they arrived at the academy, every female within a fifty mile radius greeted Chikane Lillian style, but Chikane didn't greet a single one of them back.

"Why do we like her again?" One fan girl asked another as their idol walked by them without a second glance. The second fan girl ignored the first, because she had taken notice of the timid little blonde girl who was following Chikane around.

"Dude, who's that?" The nameless girl pointed at Himeko. "Why is she walking around with Miya-sama?"

The rest of Chikane's fan girls noticed Himeko as well, and began to point at her while whispering. The solar miko stared down at the floor, trying her very best to ignore the crowds. When she glanced up, she saw Souma leaning against a nearby tree, trying a little too hard to look cool.

"Good morning, Oogami-kun."

The fan girls' whispers got even louder at this point.

"G'morning," Souma took a few steps towards Himeko, "you alright? My Megazord didn't step on you or anything, right?"

"Nah, I'm fine—wait, Megazord?"

"Yeah," Souma said with a smile, "That's what I named the robot. But anyways, you will always be safe, because... I will be protecting you." Souma turned away from Himeko, and began to walk away in the most dramatic way possible. "No matter what."

"_Almost trampling two defenceless schoolgirls with a 5 tonne robot…he calls that protecting?"_ Chikane narrowed her eyes.

"Megazord indeed."

Chikane parted ways with Himeko once they got inside the school building. Once Himeko walked into her classroom, she was confronted by a trio of girls. One of the girls was none other than Chikane's biggest fan herself, Izumi.

"Good morning, Kurusegawa-san."

Himeko was caught off guard. She had never really spoken with Izumi before.

"G-Good morning, Izumi-san."

"Hey hey," the drill-haired girl leaned closer to Himeko, "I heard a rumour that you're staying over at Miya-sama's place. I, personally, think that's one hundred and ten percent bollocks, but I wanted to get the answer straight from the horses mouth. Well? Are you?"

Before Himeko had a chance to answer, the school bell rang.

"Saved by the bell I see," Izumi guffawed. Her groupies laughed at the terrible joke as well.

"We'll continue this chat later, alright?"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

As the pitiable Himeko walked to her next class, everyone and their grandmothers was whispering about her.

"That's the girl who's staying with Miya-sama."

"She must be her maid!"

"She's like some sort of dog."

"I heard a rumour from a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a girls brother who knows a guy that they're dating!"

"I thought the point of whispering was so people _can't_ hear what we're saying."

Just then, everyone's favourite overly obsessed Chikane fan decided it was time to take things to the extreme. Izumi came out of nowhere and shoved Himeko down a flight of stairs, hoping to take her out of the picture for good. Himeko fell, but once **_again_**, someone was there to save the girl from the evils of the floor. This time, it was none other than Souma.

"All right, which one of you prissy bitches pulled THAT one? EH?!"

"O-Oogami-kun, I'm fine, I'm fine. Thank you." Said Himeko, attempting to calm the boy down.

"You sure? I mean, I could summon the giant robot again…"

"N-No," The timid girl stepped away from Souma, "it's okay. Thank you."

"My god, I don't understand it." Izumi mumbled. "Why does being a clumsy little buffoon make you so popular with…well, everyone?"

As if on cue, Chikane appeared at the top of the stairs, glaring a glare that would make any battle hardened warrior tremble in fear.

Izumi just so happened to glance up and make eye contact with her idol.

Needless to say, she wet her pants.

While all this high school drama was taking place, Nekoko was wreaking havoc all over the city, with her giant robot which she lovingly referred to as 'Nyan Nyan'. Nekoko used a Nintendo Zapper gun to point and shoot at what she wanted Nyan Nyan to obliterate. The catgirl was currently targeting Mahoroba's popular tourist attractions.

"The National Museum of Fine Art goes boom! The foods of the world fiesta goes boom! The aquarium goes... BOOM!!"

**To be continued...**

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So chapter 8 comes to a close. Yay! With the Christmas break coming, I'll be able to spend more time writing this story…hopefully. You really should know the drill by now. c:


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